Perhaps television and violence does negatively influence our children. Yet, when I was growing up, I watched and laughed at the "Three Stooges" (who hit each other in the head so much that it's amazing that they lived through it), Tom and Jerry cartoons (who incessantly attacked one another), watched disfiguring horror movies (though the amount of visually spilled blood may not have been as much as we see today), and fantasized about being Batman (the Dark Knight avenger). Yet none of this "violent" television influenced me, or any of my generation (to my knowledge), to attack, stab, beat, or maim one another. Families were strong when I grew up. Dad was a strict authoritarian, the Head of the Family, Mom was the one who cared for us. Both of my parents "abused" us children by punishing us (with spanking) when we were in the wrong, made us go to Church, and expected us to address them with "Sir", "Ma'am", or "Mom and Dad". Families were strong then, even with all the televised sex and violence on the television. What changed?

I save newspaper clippings when I see something that may apply to the Christian view on life. The following articles were from the Associated Press, and both were dated October 12, 1986:

You may think this a strange verse to use to begin a study on the Family, but it's not. The basis of any good relationship in this life begins with a good relationship with your Heavenly Father. Jesus emphasized that our relationship with our Heavenly Father must always take precedence over our relationship with our Families. Why? Was Jesus "anti-Family"?

Absolutely not! If you read the Gospel accounts that show Jesus' relationship with His mother you see He was (though Son of God and God the Son) a loving and obedient child.

John 2:1-10 "And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it. And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece. Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it. When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.

During the wedding feast in Cana Jesus' mother approached Him to ask for a miracle: resupply the wine for the feast. Jesus' initial response was Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.. In other words, "Mom, it's not time for me to start showing forth miracles". Yet Jesus did as she asked, producing water from wine (His first recorded miracle). He was obedient to his earthly mother's request. In another instance, a darker day:

John 19:26-28 "When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home. After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst."

Though He hung on the Cross in obvious agony, His life draining away with every passing second, He still found the time to take care of His mother. Woman, behold thy son!: "Mother, this disciple will look after you now". Behold thy mother!: "Disciple, take care of my mother". Jesus was a committed Family man who loved His earthly mother to the end of the Cross. So what did He mean by, hate (MISEO = TO LOVE LESS) not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (MATHETES = STUDENT, PUPIL). He meant "You must put your relationship to the Godhead above all others". When you put this relationship first, your other earthly relationships will be more fruitful in comparison.

Think on this: If you hold your relationship to God above all else, you will avoid the "works of the flesh". A complete list of these works is:

Galatians 5:19-21 "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."

A dedicated Christian avoids these 17 characteristics of sin, refuses to allow them to enter into his or her life. If it doesn't enter into the Christian's life, it also doesn't enter into the Family he or she is associated with. How many divorces and destroyed families are caused because either the husband or wife moves into adultery and gets caught? How many children are unmercifully beaten by an enraged parent working under the influence of wrath? How many children are led into alcoholism from an early age because one or both parents were drunkards? How many women and children die and enter hellfire because the father was an idolater? If you hold your relationship with God the Father in the highest regard, you will exhibit:

Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law."

You will exhibit these standards of behavior to your co-workers, your employer, your associations, your friends, and most importantly, to your spouse and children. With a proper God view you will be better able to minister to your household. You will be more stable in your application of discipline, more consistent in your displays of love, and you will have a sure ethical base by which you make all family decisions. That ethical base is The Bible.
 

Ephesians 6:1-4 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

When the Apostle Paul, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, told Families how to relate to each other within that unit, his admonition was specifically targeted to the male parent and the children. This is perhaps the most striking thing I note about these verses, because it emphasizes that the male role in parenting is paramount to the healthy development of the child. God's ideal for the family in leadership is that the man assume the role of authority without heavy handedness or slackness. With the proliferation of divorce in our country today this is impossible in many instances, for divorce literally rips the family unit apart.

I have read numerous psychological studies where it was proven time an time again that the female children will often marry a man that (either consciously or unconsciously) has characteristics that are predominant in their fathers. Conversely, male children often marry a woman that  (either consciously or unconsciously) has characteristics that are predominant in their mothers. On the negative side, children that are parented by child abusers or alcoholics will often be abusive and alcoholic with their own children when they grow up. If you think about it, this really isn't that odd at all. The child's first acquaintance is not some super hero, not some athlete, not some television star. The child's first acquaintance is the image of mother or dad leaning over the bedside to take care of him when he's sick. When he or she gets hurt, they immediately run to mom or dad to for the loving caress that will make the pain go away. The parent is the role model for the child, a powerful role model that will effect that child even into adulthood. Divorce rips the role model in half, confuses the child, and leads to confusion as they go through their developing years.

Paul begins this section with Children, the Greek TEKNON. This word refers to little children, children who have not reached adulthood. Children under the legal age (in our society, 18 years old) are under the direct commandment of God to obey (HUPAKOUO, to listen attentively to the instructions of, be under the authority of) their parents. I must quickly point out that this commandment applies only to young children. When a child reaches adult age in his or her society they are independent agents, free to make all decisions governing their own lives. Too many marriages are destroyed because one or both parents intrude where they have no Godly right.

Matthew 19:4-6 "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Too many marriages end in divorce because the man is still tied to his mom's apron strings, or the wife is still consulting her parents every time there's a family squabble. A marriage that begins with four to six people joined in intimacy is going to die hard! But a marriage that begins with both a mental and physical leaving between parents and children will be an intimate and blessed union.

Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise...

Out of all the commandments God gave Israel, only this commandment carried a built in promise (EPAGGELIA) from God. God told the children that if they obeyed and honored their parents then He would extend their lives while they were in Canaan.

Exodus 20:12 "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

When a child obeys his parents not only does God extend his life, but the child learns wisdom which prevents him from disaster. Children often don't understand why something is wrong, but the parent must enforce the rules if the child is going to be protected. When my children were young I warned them against sticking things in wall outlets (fingers, coat hangers, etc). When I caught them disobeying this rule I immediately punished them with a paddling. "How horrible", the liberal says. Is it more horrible than coming in a room and finding your child dead from electrocution? Often a parent has to do the distasteful (punishment) in order to impress safety on the child. "But won't my child hate me for punishing him?" Well, he or she won't like it, and may have hard feelings for a little time. Which is why Paul continued with: fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The Greek for wrath is  PARORGIZO, which means an uncontrollable anger that was needlessly provoked. If you paddle your children for little or no reason you are guilty of child abuse! If you paddle your children without carefully explaining both before and after your reasons for doing so, then you are guilty of poor parenting. If you strike your children while you are still angry you will go too far. It is always best to discipline after your anger has passed. Take a time out, send your child to his or her room, walk outside and pray. If overly distraught, go outside and beat up on a tree, or go to your quiet place and cry. But calm down. Afterwards, explain to the child how he or she crossed the line. Then and only then discipline your children.  Please don't forget to come back later and hug your child, letting him know that you still love him.

Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. "

Though that old saying "He that spares the rod spoils the child" is not found in the Bible, it is true that you spoil your children if you overlook their disobedience. Failure to discipline a child leads him to believe that he can get away with bigger and bigger misdemeanors. Children who were Biblically disciplined in their formative years understand the concepts of right and wrong, good and evil, government and anarchy. Children who were not disciplined grow up thinking that they are a law unto themselves, and from this we get robbery, rape, and murder.

Sociologists teach us that most of the crime that we experience in our society has come about because a child was raised in a poor environment. To a degree this is true. If a child is raised in a permissive household where the child is either ignored, or the child's desires are the rule of that house, then that child will grow up with a predisposition toward evil. Poverty stricken children raised in Godly households work their way out of the ghetto. Michael Jordan was not born rich, he worked his way out of poverty and became rich because of a loving family environment. Wealthy children raised in permissive households become the Menendez's of tomorrow, sometime wreaking havoc on their own family unit.

he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. The Hebrew for betimes is SHACHAR, which literally means "from an early age". How soon should a child undergo discipline within the family unit? God never specified an exact age, but He says "from an early age". As soon as the child can understand the concepts of right and wrong, yes and no, he should be disciplined. This is an individual time for every child, but if you haven't started disciplining your child before he starts dating then you've waited too long!

Proverbs 19:18 "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare (NASAH = TO STOP, BE DISTRACTED FROM YOUR PURPOSE) for his crying."

There are many times in raising my children when I have not had to resort to paddling, times when I was able to spare the rod. In particular, if the child broke a rule and came to me, repentant, before I discovered the error, then I felt that the lesson was learned. After all, we all make mistakes (don't we, Christians?). But I have observed parents who, clearly getting a failing grade in Biblical parenting, threatened to paddle a child and then backed off of this threat only when the child began screaming and rolling around on the floor. When I was growing up this was called a "temper tantrum". When I resorted to tantrums when I was growing up dad would let me get it out of my system then follow  through on his promise to discipline. If the child discovers that excessive screaming (that old tantrum exhibition) will get him out of discipline, he's naturally going to resort to this tactic every time he's caught. Children like this are molded by the parents into whiny adults who lack substance or gumption, adults who feel that the world owes them a living. Hope exists in teaching the child while he is young. The older he gets, the harder he will be to discipline. Though my children tower over me today (my middle son is 6'3", my oldest is 6'2 1/2", and I'm 5'10"), there's a tender love between us while yet a sense of discipline in the household. Can you imagine waiting until these children towered over me to start establishing discipline in the household? How would I get them to stand still for a paddling? Boggles the mind, doesn't it? Yet, I haven't had to paddle my children in years now. The knowledge of the rules and my word is enough. All discipline was instilled and enforced when they were young, and now that they are starting to "come of age" the rule of God's Law stands in their heart. And by the way, all of my Children have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior, all when they were between the ages of 8-10. Which brings us to the next verse:

Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

hell is the Hebrew SHEOLE, which literally means "the Grave". Children who are undisciplined do stupid things. Yes, that's right, I said stupid. These stupid things can be anything from pulling a pot of boiling grease off the stove to cutting into electrical power cords. You see, children are like blank canvasses waiting for the parents to paint the Law of God into their lives. Some parents allow the children to paint their own pictures. How idiotic!  "Little Johnny can decide if he wants to go to Church or not, it's his free choice". Sheer idiocy! Children, as blank canvasses, wait for parental guidance. If you fail to guide them they may walk right into a fatal situation that you yourself contributed to. They may even grow up to be, God forbid, atheistic, and die in their sins to eternal damnation. The direction the child takes in life is influenced by early, consistent parental control.

Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

No child is born with the background necessary to make him an adult. Adulthood is only attained when a person has enough experiences in his memory to use as standards in determining what is a right and a wrong decision. The adult that tells the child, "You can make your own decision", has deluded himself into thinking that the child has enough experiential background to make a right decision. No child does, and it's unfair for the parent to put this burden on one so young.

Proverbs 29:15  "The rod (SHEBET = SWITCH) and reproof (TOWKECHAH = CORRECTIVE REBUKE) give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

How true this is! How often have you watched a courtroom scene where some mother stands up for her child, now a murderer, and says, "But he's such a good boy". Shame, shame, and more shame on that mother. And shame on her and the father if, when the child was growing up, they failed to discipline as God teaches. In some American States the parents are held accountable by the legal courts for the acts of their children. All over liberals are crying out against this practice as unconstitutional. It may or may not be unconstitutional, I'm not a lawyer. But it is indeed Biblical that the parent be held accountable for the actions of their underage children. If the child's disobedience has flowed out from the family unit into society, some of the blame must be placed on the parents. God placed such a high value on effective parenting within the family unit that it was a capital offense for a child to strike or curse his parents:

Exodus 21:15, 17 "And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death."

Children must be taught to obey the Family laws, and parents must be somewhat accountable when their children disobey Divine laws and impact society. This is God's Way.

1 Timothy 3:1- 4 "This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;"

We would have less public ridicule and less shame if we all, as the Church of Christ, weighed each candidate for the position of Pastor carefully before we installed the candidate in that position. You see, the local Church is, in fact, a large Family Unit. If any man wants to lead that Family unit, he must have first proved to the world at large that he was capable of leading the more intimate family unit that God gave him. Yet in many instances this is not the case.

The potential Pastor must be the husband of one wife. There are many interpretations of this particular text: Some feel that it means that the man must not be prone to polygamy, chasing women while being unfaithful to his God given wife. Others interpret this text to mean that the candidate must have had only one wife in his lifetime, that he must not be a divorcee. Traditionally the Southern Baptists (which is my chosen denomination) have held the latter position, and I'd be untruthful if I told you I believed otherwise. But rather than get in doctrinal disputes that go no where, let's look at the bigger picture by looking at the word husband. A husband, Biblically speaking, is the active leader in the marital unit. He is the God appointed head of his family. Our Churches are often crippled to do the work of God because too often the man of the house feels that since "I work 5 days a week, I don't need to go to Church". Women have therefore, in many instances, been forced into positions of Church leadership that they never felt called to, nor desire. A husband, as the leader of his family, must be willing to love and attend to the needs of his wife, and that wife inclusively. A husband doesn't run around on his wife, nor does he beat his wife via physical or verbal abuse. Paul doesn't mince words on the subject: One that ruleth well his own house. ruleth is a Greek Present Participle which denotes habitual action. In other words, "He keeps on ruling well". Some men stay in the background, never contributing to the marriage until they feel like it. A Pastor is a man who habitually stays in the foreground of Family Leadership, one to whom the wife understands is the leader of that unit.

The Pastoral candidate must not only be the leader in the marriage, but must also have his children in subjection with all gravity. subjectionis the Greek HUPOTAGE, which means "to be subordinate to the desires of another". Well that's just not politically correct, is it? In our society we are taught that children are fully developed little humans who have the same rights and privileges as the fully grown humans. This is Biblically hogwash! Children are undeveloped canvasses, waiting for the leadership of their parents to help them develop their moral and ethical balance. A child who is allowed to do as he pleases sometimes grows us developed, but more often than not grows up to have monstrous ideas of right and wrong. The Pastoral candidate is held responsible for holding his children in check, for teaching them Christian values at home and in Church. The Pastoral candidate will be the acknowledged leader of the family unit, acknowledged by both his wife and children. Or he is not fit to be the Pastor of a Church! And before you leave this section, read this:

1 Timothy 3:12 "Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well."

Yes, what applies to the Pastoral candidate applies to the Deacon as well. The moral: if you, as a man, fail to lead the family unit that God has given you, don't expect to be allowed to lead the Church of Christ. But lest any person reading this document think, "Well, I'm neither Pastor nor Deacon, so this certainly doesn't apply to me", then read on:

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

When we read this verse we often think of a man being lazy, out of work, and failing to provide sustenance to his family. And this is a true application of the text. However, the husband is required by God to provide true leadership, spiritual guidance, and discipline within that family. It's not easy to be a husband and a father. One of God's earliest commands to the fathers of Israel was:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.   And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates."

Jesus called this the Greatest Commandment (Matthew 22:36-38) of all, second only to love for your neighbor. When God taught the patriarchs of Israel this commandment He specified:

• these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: You as the fathers will dwell on these words, heed them, and obey them!
• thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children: You are accountable for teaching this great Doctrine to your children. Not your wife, but you.
• shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up: Husbands and fathers, you are accountable for being an example, to live these words so that your wife and children can see it. Your household will know where you stand on this issue. You will be a leader in teaching this to your family.
• thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.: The doctrine that you profess and believe will be so evident that even strangers will see it, and know of God. You will not be a chameleon, behave one way inside the family unit and another outside of that unit. You will truly believe and act on this believe so that My witness will go forth!

1. Establish a pattern of discipline and then stick with it. If the child is told to do something and refuses, then discipline immediately. Children, though not fully developed, aren't stupid either! If a child finds that he can get away with disobedience, or if the parent keeps fruitlessly warning of discipline without following through, then this inconsistency will lead to greater and greater abuses.
2. Respect your children when disciplining them. A good rule for children, just like with adults, is "Praise in public, discipline in private". Take the child to a private place to punish him. It's humiliating to the child, not to mention non-productive, to paddle your children in public.
3. The paddle (SHEBET) is always to be applied deliberately, but never in anger. Send your child to his room until you cool off before disciplining him. If you're angry when you punish your child, it's easy to move from the path of Biblical discipline and into child abuse!
4. Avoid yelling at your children, and avoid invisible monsters. Some parents use a monster like the "bogey man" to scare the children into obedience. All this does is cause nightmare and develop phobias. Explain to the child what he did wrong, and warn him against doing it again. If he does it again, punish him without anger or yelling.
5. Don't paddle your child then immediately cuddle him. This confuses the child and destroys any value that the discipline had. Let the child reflect on the error of his ways, then make sure you let the child know you love him still. Avoid confusing discipline with hatred in the child's mind: let him know that he was disciplined because you love him.
6. Explain to the child why he's being disciplined before you punish him. Allow the child to give you some feedback. It's possible that he didn't understand what you required, perhaps you weren't clear in your instructions. If you punish your child unjustly this will cause him to harbor feelings of resentment against you. However if you focus on the disobedience as being the cause of the punishment, and focus the child on the same, this will cause him to direct his distaste toward the action that led to the punishment rather than toward the parent.
7. Do not punish the child for breaking some hidden rule. Explain in advance where the lines are drawn, and stick with your agenda. The first time you catch your child playing with the wall socket sternly warn him against this, but don't paddle! The next time, discipline.
8. All discipline should be promptly administered, and not repeatedly administered. The worst thing a parent can do is tell a child, "Wait till your father comes home". Many children grow up hating their fathers because they had to wait several hours till he came home to be punished. Dad became the "stick", while Mom was the "loving one". Another fatal error is for the mother to discipline the child, then the father to come home and do the same. Again, this is abusive. Once punishment is administered (by either parent) then the debt is paid!
9. Along the same lines, the parents should have the same standards of discipline. If one parent scolds while the other paddles, the child will be drawn toward the more lenient parent in his affections. This causes rifts in the family unit, and often drives a wedge into the marriage itself.
10. Discipline must be consistent. Don't punish the child lightly for an offense, then severely the next time he makes the same mistake. Punish all your children equally, as necessary. Don't just scold sister while paddling brother. Again, this drives a wedge between the children in the family unit. Parents should avoid having "favorite children".
11. Don't pay attention to the child only when he's done wrong! Children crave attention, and if you aren't spending quality time with them they will do wrong just to get your attention.
12. Children will pay attention to a parent faster than they will a stranger. If you're relying on the Public Schools or the Sunday School alone to teach your children, you're going to be disappointed. Bond with your children. Show them what you do for a living. Share your wants, desires, dreams with them. I gave my children a frank lecture on the "facts of life" early on. When schools started teaching "sex education" I didn't worry because my children had already been taught, factually as well as Biblically, about the birds and the bees. When homosexuality became an alternate lifestyle my kids responded with a "Yeah, right, but it's SIN", and life went on. If you aren't teaching your kids, someone else is, and you won't like what they learn!

Whether the National Organization For Women likes it or not, God made it very clear in the Bible where the lines of authority are drawn in the marriage. Perhaps like some you'll decide that this portion of the Bible really isn't God's Word, just Pauline opinion. That's your prerogative. However, once the Christian starts chopping away at the Scripture that promises his salvation, at what point do we stop? If this portion is not really the Word of God, then how do we know that John 3:16 is valid? For me and my house, we accept all of the Bible as true in all that it affirms!

Paul starts out by telling the wives to submit themselves to their own husbands. submit is the Greek
HUPOTASSO, and means to "subordinate self to, be obedient to". This word is in the Present Tense, which implies repeated action. In other words, "Wives, keep on being obedient to your own husbands". Lest we misconstrue the intent of the command Paul quickly adds the following qualifier: as unto the Lord.. Paul asks that all wives treat their obedience unto their husbands with the same regard that they would treat their obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. That's quite an interesting concept, interesting on several levels.

First, I have had women ask me if they should be obedient to their husbands if they ask them to do something clearly unBiblical. For instance, if your husband asked you to go out and get drunk with him. The answer: absolutely not! You are to submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord.. Jesus wouldn't ask you to do something sinful, and your husband has no right to do so either.

Second, if your husbands ask you to do something that is not clearly unBiblical or unrighteous, you are expected (by God's Word) to seek to fulfill that request with the same degree of dedication as if it were from the Lord Himself. That means without bickering, without nagging, without the "yes, but" attitude. God's standard is that the husband is the Head of the house, not the wife. As cute as the old Cosby show was on television, the Huxtables did not portray God's standard for the Family. The wife always nagging and putting down the husband, even in jest, is a blasphemy against what God intended. Ask yourself: "would I treat Jesus this way?". If your answer is "No", then you shouldn't be treating your husband that way either.

Third, just as Jesus is the Head of the Church, the Husband is the Head of the family unit. husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: headis the Greek KEPHALE which means the head of a body, the leader of an organized unit, the one in charge. No man should have to ask his wife permission to be in charge of the family, nor should he have to demand this recognition. The wife should freely give rein to him, knowing that this is God's best for her life.

Not too long ago the Promise Keeper organization (which I neither support nor care for, but that's another story) had a huge rally in Washington DC. Though I am not a Promise Keeper nor likely to be one, I found it strange that all the liberal media could find newsworthy about this event was that the National Organization For Women opposed it. Frankly, I could care less about either organization, as both seem extremist. The main reason the NOW opposed the PK is because they felt that the main premise of the PK movement was to treat women as chattel and second class citizens. The NOW warned that America might be going back to the old dark ages where women had to do what their husbands told them, where women were in subjection to their husbands. I never heard the PK leaders actively promote this doctrine, but please let me go on record now: This is what God's Word teaches, what I believe, and what I will uphold as true to the death, regardless of the NOW. Though women are anything but chattel, they are commanded to be in subjection to their own husbands. This is Biblical, this is Truth, this is God's Way. To what degree must the wife be subject to her husband? The Bible says: let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. The Greek is stronger, for it says EN PANTI, in absolutely everything.

One more point, and we'll move on to the husband: Wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands. I have no authority nor power over another man's wife, nor another woman who is not my wife. My authority as a Bible believing Christian man is over my wife only. I have heard men in jest (at least I assume it was in jest) tell other women, "The Bible tells you to be obedient, so obey". No, it doesn't. It tells the wife to be obedient to her own husband, not another man. The lines of authority are clearly drawn within the Family unit as (1) Husband, (2) Wife, (3) Children. Any other pattern is non-Biblical.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it: I don't know if you noticed it or not men, but no where in Scripture is the wife ever commanded to love her husband. Women are commanded to obey their husbands, but the husband only has the command to love his wife. That love, if you will notice, is a sacrificial love. Lest we misconstrue what was meant by the command, again Paul ties it to what Jesus did for the Church. Christ sacrificed all for the Church just as the husband is to sacrifice all for his wife. This means if your wife is drowning you will, even if you die, save her. This means if you know her birthday is coming up and she secretly wants something, and you'll have to sell the fishing boat to get it, by all that's holy, sell the fishing boat! This means turning the television off when she's talking and actually listen, responding to what she says.

ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh : When you're hammering a nail, miss, and smash your finger, what's your first reaction? Mine is to gently cradle the hurt appendage, to doctor it carefully, to nurse it back to a painless state. Men are to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. Listen to me, now: Real men don't beat their wives! I don't care if you saw it on television or not, but the animal that beats his wife is just that, an animal. No man ever hates his own flesh, ad no man ever beats his wife. The two go hand in hand.

A true man directs his wife in such a way that she will grow spiritually, just as Jesus directs the Church so that it will grow. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. The real man doesn't spend time posturing, play acting, or abusing his wife. He spends time directing her spiritual growth, nurturing her, guiding her in the right pathway as God so leads. God's ideal is clearly expressed in the last verse: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.If we were to follow this standard, God's standard, then the divorce rate would drop drastically in this country. If all young people contemplating marriage understood what was God's ideal, there would be less spur of the moment weddings. Young men would understand that they are giving up their lives to the women, the women would understand that they're giving up their freedom. Yet, as a nation, we have moved far from God's standard of marriage and the family. It's time to return, people!

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch (APTESTHAI = KINDLE A FIRE IN)

a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, (DIA DE TAS PORNEIAS = BECAUSE OF THE FORNICATIONS)

let every man have (ECHO, PRES AC IMP = KEEP ON HAVING AND HOLDING)

his own wife, and let every woman have (ECHO, PRES AC IMP = KEEP ON HAVING AND HOLDING)

her own husband. Let the husband render (APODIDOMAI, PR AC IMP = CONTINUALLY GIVE FROM THE SOURCE OF SELF)

unto the wife due benevolence: (OPHEILEN = WHAT IS OWED, THE DEBT THAT IS DUE)

and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power (OUK EXOUSIA = HAS NO AUTHORITY)

of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power (OUK EXOUSIA = HAS NO AUTHORITY)

of his own body, but the wife. Defraud (APOSTEREO, PR AC IMP = KEEP ON DEPRIVING FROM THE ULTIMATE SOURCE OF SELF. THIS REFERS TO EITHER FORBIDDING THE OTHER SEXUAL ACCESS)

ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (AKRAISIA = SELF RESTRAINT)

But I speak this by permission, (OUGGNOMEN = BY PERMISSION OR CONCESSION)

and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, (EGKRATEUONTAI, PRES LINEAR = CANNOT HABITUALLY CONTROL THEMSELVES)

let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (PUROUSTHAI = BURN WITH SEXUAL LUST)

And unto the married I command, (PARAGGELLO, PRESENT LINEAR = COMMAND SO THAT IT STANDS FOR ALL TIME)

yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, (CHORISTHE = TO BECOME SEPARATED)

let her remain (MENETO, PRES AC = KEEP ON REMAINING)

unmarried, or be reconciled (KATALLAGOTO, AO PAS IMP = ENTER RECONCILIATION)

to her husband: and let not the husband put away (APHIENAI = DIVORCE)

his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her (APHIENAI = DIVORCE) away.

And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave (APHIENAI = DIVORCE)

him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified (HAGIASTAI = SEPERATED UNTO GOD)

by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified (HAGIASTAI = SEPARATED UNTO GOD)

by the husband: else were your children unclean; (AKATHARTOS = CEREMONIALLY UNCLEAN, SEPERATED FROM GOD)

but now are they holy. (HAGIASTAI = SEPERATED UNTO GOD)

But if the unbelieving depart, (CHORIZETAI, PR MID IMP = DIVORCES YOU PERMANENTLY)

let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage (OUK DEDOULOTAI. SEE ROMANS 7.1-6 WHERE THE SAME CONSTRUCTION IS USED)

in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches."