Introduction: A second-grade class was asked to write about their personal heroes. One little girl's father was flattered to find out that his daughter had chosen him. "Why did you pick me?' he asked. She replied, "Because I couldn't spell Arnold Schwarzenegger" (Humor for Preaching & Teaching - Leadership Journal).

Fatherhood in America over the years has taken a severe beating. Most TV sitcoms portray fathers as the least important member of a family, and in some they would have you believe that fathers are not even needed. Most of this is a direct result of the feminist movement that started in the late 60's and early 70's. While the world would have us believe that Father's only play a minor role in their families, the current statistics gives us a totally different picture of the effects of having fatherless homes; children from a fatherless home are (based on various studies done in the US):

- 5 times more likely to commit suicide.
- 32 times more likely to run away.
- 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
- 14 times more likely to commit rape
- 9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
- 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
- 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution.
- 20 times more likely to end up in prison.
- Daughters of single parents are 2.1 times more likely to have children during their teenage years than are daughters from intact families.

As we can see the role of a father is much more important than what the world would have us believe. If this is true, then how much more important is a Christian father to his children? The Apostle Paul gives us some indication of this in our passage of Scripture this morning, in which he gives Christian fathers direction about raising their families. This isn't just some good advise that Paul is giving, but rather he is spelling out what our duties are.

Transition: The first thing that a Christian father is to do, is. . .

I. Avoid Being Unreasonably Severe With Your Children (v.4a).
1. Paul's first command to fathers is negative, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath."

A. This was a totally new concept for Paul's day, especially in such pagan strongholds as Ephesus.

B. In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes (MacArthur & BEC).

1) Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant "the father's power."

2) Men who were Roman citizens were given absolute property rights over their families.

3) By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch's personal chattel, and he could do with them what he wished.

4) A displeased father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them if he wished.

A) When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father's feet. If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home. If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction.

B) Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: "We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed we drown."

The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way! When a person accepts Christ as their Savior they get a heart transplant according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Christ enables us to change, and this means that we can become better fathers too. The Apostle Paul addresses fathers here because they represent the God appointed head of the family, according to Eph 5:23 and 1Cor 11:3, on whom rests the responsibility of child discipline (BKC). This doesn't mean that mothers can't discipline their children, only that it is the responsibility of the father to make sure that there is discipline taking place in the home when it is needed.

Transition: While the world may have set a low standard for fatherhood, the Bible calls Christian fathers to a different, higher standard. . .

2. Now lets go back to our verse where Christian fathers are commanded not to "provoke your children to wrath."

A. This phrase in the Greek language, in which it was originally written, has several interesting things about it.

1) First of all, it is given in an Imperative Mood with a Present Tense given in the negative, thus making this a command that reads, "stop provoking your children to wrath right now, and don't do it again!"

2) The phrase carries the idea of a constant irritating, exasperating, or rubbing the child the wrong way to the point to were child becomes discouraged and mad at the world.

- Note that the point of this isn't that we should do anything that may make our children mad, because you can do what's right and still make them mad; but this provoking that Paul is talking about is a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility (MacArthur).

3) This issue was important enough for Paul to repeat in Colossians 3:21, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

B. John MacArthur lists 8 ways in which we can provoke our children (MacArthur).

1) Well-meaning overprotection is a common cause of resentment in children.

A) Parents can smother their children by being overly restrict, which shows their child that they don't trust them to do things on their own, and continually calls into question their child's judgment which will eventually build a barrier between themselves and their children.

B) While children do need careful guidance and certain restrictions, we must recognize that they are individual human beings and must learn to make decisions on their own, commensurate with their age and maturity.

C) Their wills can be guided but they cannot be controlled.

2) Favoritism can be another form of provoking children.

A) Isaac favored Esau over Jacob and Rebekah preferred Jacob over Esau.

- That dual and conflicting favoritism not only caused great trouble for the immediate family but has continued to have repercussions in the conflicts between the descendants of Jacob and Esau until our present day!

B) For parents to compare their children with each other, especially in the children's presence, can be devastating to the child who is less talented or favored.

3) Pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds is another way in which we could provoke our children.

A) A child can be so pressured to achieve that he is virtually destroyed.

B) He quickly learns that nothing he does is sufficient to please his parents.

4) Discouragement is another way in which we can provoke our children.

A) A child who is never complimented or encouraged by his parents is destined for trouble.

B) If he is always told what is wrong with him and never what is right, he will soon lose hope and become convinced that he is incapable of doing anything right.

5) Parents' or Fathers' can provoke their children by failing to sacrifice for their children and making them feel unwanted.

- Children who are made to feel that they are an intrusion, that they are always in the way and interfere with the plans and happiness of the parents, cannot help becoming resentful.

6) We can provoke our children when we fail to let them grow up at a normal pace.

- Chiding them for always acting childish, even when what they do is perfectly normal and harmless, does not contribute to their maturity but rather helps confirm them in their childishness.

7) A seventh way of angering children is that of using love as a tool of reward or punishment.

A) This would be showing our love to our child only when they are good and withdrawing it when they are bad.

B) God has given us an example to follow in that He disciplines His children just as much out of love as He blesses them.

- Hebrews 12:6, "because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son" (NIV).

8) An eighth way that we can provoke our children is by physical and verbal abuse.

1) Physical abuse is self-explanatory.

2) An example of verbal abuse would be constantly putting your child down with superior arguments or sarcasm.

Transition: Paul now continues his direction for Christian Fathers to. . .

II. Nurture Your Children Through Discipline And Instruction (v.4b).
1. Nurture: "bring them up"

A. The verb translated "bring them up" is the same word that is translated "nourishes" in Ephesians 5:29 (BEC).

1) It carries the idea of whetting and then satisfying the appetite (GCN).

2) In the Greek it is given in an Imperative Mood with a Present Tense thus making this a command that reads, "nurture your children in the training and admonition of the Lord right now, and keep on nurturing them."

B. Paul now gives us the two ways in which Christian fathers are to nurture their children both emotionally and spiritually.

1) The first area in which Christian fathers are to nurture their children is by training (nurture, KJV), which carries the idea of directing and correcting the child.

A) While children are not to be provoked to anger, it doesn't mean that they cannot be disciplined for bad behavior.

(1) There is the story of the father whipping the little boy and saying, "Son, this hurts me more than it hurts you." The boy replied, "Yeah, but not in the same place!" (McGee).

(2) Proverbs 13:24, "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."

(3) Proverbs 23:13-14, "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death" (NIV).

(4) Proverbs 29:15, 17, "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. . .Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul."

B) Sometimes our children need to be disciplined, and key here is that we discipline children in the right manner (BEC).

- This means that we must discipline in love and not in anger, so that we don't injure either the body or the spirit of the child, or possibly both.

2) The second area in which Christian fathers are to nurture their children is by admonition, which carries the idea of training by words.

A) This refers to the type of instruction found in the book of Proverbs, where the primary focus is on the training and teaching of children (MacArthur).

(1) It does not have as much to do with factual information as with right attitudes and principles of behavior.

- So this would not only include verbal correction, but also advice and encouragement as well (SL).

(2) Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it."

B) This is the same standard that God set for Jewish fathers in the Old Testament.
- Deuteronomy 6:1-9, "Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the LORD your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess, that you may fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the LORD God of your fathers has promised you - 'a land flowing with milk and honey.' Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Transition: I have already touched on it, but. . .

2. Our goal is to bring up children who love the Lord.

A. Child-training should be ". . .in the training and admonition of the Lord" that is, carried out in accordance with Christ's will as revealed in the Bible (BBC).

- The Lord is to be at the center of the relationship and training (SL).

B. The goal of child rearing is to bring up children who love the Lord (GCN).

Which one of you had not heard a little boy step proudly forward among his playmates and declare, "I KNOW that's so because my Daddy said so!" He has confidence in you, dear Dad, and the things which he sees you put first in your life are going to stand out as mighty important to him, too (Stories for Preachers & Teachers). Its been said that, "a child is not likely to find a father in God unless he finds something of God in his father" (Austin L. Sorensen in These Times - June 1979, Christianity Today, Vol. 32, no. 13). If you want Christ to be at the center of your child's life, then fathers' you need to demonstrate in your lives that Christ is in the center of your life.

Invitation:
1. The purpose of this sermon isn't intended to "beat up" fathers, or to make you feel bad about yourselves, but to encourage you to become better fathers.

A. We must remember that there are no perfect fathers on this side of heaven, but that shouldn't give us an excuse not to try to be either.

B. This passage of Scripture should be a wakeup call to us all that America is standing at a crossroads of history and its future isn't entrusted to our politicians but in the hands of parents, and even more particularly godly fathers who will rise up to the challenge to preparing the next generation of godly fathers.

3. One Christian father made this confession, "My family's all grown and the kids are all gone. But if I had to do it all over again, this is what I would do. I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more -- at our mistakes and our joys. I would listen more, even to the littlest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses, never pretending perfection. I would pray differently for my family; instead of focusing on them, I'd focus on me. I would do more things together with my children. I would encourage them more and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, like deeds and words of thoughtfulness. And then, finally, if I had to do it all over again, I would share God more intimately with my family; every ordinary thing that happened in every ordinary day I would use to direct them to God" (MacArthur).

A. It is never to late to learn from our mistakes, and it's never to late for us to change - especially if you make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life.

B. Vance Havner, in his devotional book entitled "Lord of What's Left" tells of his father's feeling of failure because he had failed to answer the call of God earlier in his life.

1) Vance Havner then makes the point that if we have failed to respond to God earlier in our lives, then it is never to late to make God the Lord of the time that we have left in this life.

2) I believe that this is true for fathers also.

- If you have failed to be the Christian father that God has called you to be, then its never to late to become that father with the time that you have left in this life.

BBC - Believer's Bible Commentary, William MacDonald, Thomas Nelson Publishers.
BEC - Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentaries.
BKC - Bible Knowledge Commentary, John F. Walvoord & Roy B. Zuck, Victor Books.
GCN - Grace Church Bible Study Notes on Ephesians, Grace Church Wichita Falls TX.
LBC - Liberty Bible Commentary on the NT, Jerry Falwell editor.
MacArthur - John MacArthur's New Testament Commentary.
McGee - Thru The Bible, J. Vernon McGee.
NIBC - New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Radmacher, Allen & House, Thomas Nelson Inc.
SL - Expository notes, Dr. Thomas Constable (http://soniclight.com/).
 

-- Expositors: The parental duty is given first negatively, as avoidance of all calculated to irritate or exasperate the children - injustice, severity and the like, so as to make them indisposed to filial (devotion) obedience and honor.

-- NIBC: Unreasonably severe with or ridicule.

-- LBC: the word provoke means do not irritate, exasperate, rub the wrong way, incite. This is done by a wrong spirit and by wrong methods, i.e., severity, unreasonableness, sternness, harshness, cruel demands, needless restrictions, and selfish insistence upon authority. Such provocation would produce adverse reactions, deaden his affection, check his desire for holiness, and make him feel that he can't possibly please his parents. Parents must not be godless tyrants.

-- Wuest: to nourish up to maturity, to nurture, bring up, to rear up. The word is not confined to the nurturing of a child physically, but includes its bringing up or rearing in the various departments of its life.

-- Wuest: the whole training and education of children which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose, now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment (Thayer).

-- Wuest: This is training by word - by the word of encouragement, when that is sufficient, but also by that of reproof and of blame, where these may be required, as set over against the training by act and discipline.