Measure Of A Man

1 John 2: 13-19 "I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I write unto you, young men, because ye have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you, little children, because ye have known the Father. [14] I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one. [15] Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. [16]  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. [17] And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. [18] Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time. [19] They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us."

It amazes me how hypocritical the world can be at times! Every year we have two holidays, Mother's Day and Father's Day, and weeks prior to the "blessed event" every manufacturer who can glue two sticks together and make a doohickey begins advertising their product because "Dad deserves it". Yet, on the same hand, men are denigrated at every turn, in the television and news media. Harmful and hurtful jokes are being told about the "stupid neanderthal man". You see advertisements where a product is endorsed by a woman who remarks, "It's so simple, even my husband can do it". The implication is that her husband is stupid, of course. The obvious question that comes to my mind is, "If he's so stupid, what does this say about the woman who foolishly married such a stupid man?" Women, think on this the next time you belittle your husband in public!

As a man and a father myself, I know how difficult it can be to model your life in this present age. There are antiChrists all around us who tell us how to be men, how we should live our lives as "modern, progressive fathers". Who should we model our lives after? Should we model our lives after the President of the United States, or some movie star, or some media mogul? How should we measure our success as men, as fathers? The answer to this is quite simple: measure your life, your fatherhood, by comparing it to God's standard.

I want you to look at our introductory text for a minute. Notice the following sentence is repeated twice, a clear indication that John is emphasizing an important concept:

"I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning." [x2] (1 John 2.13-14)

The word known is the Greek GINOSKO, which means to "know and experience, to have a soul knowledge, an assurance of something". God, our Father, teaches us that the Christian family is the family that begins with the father that knows Jesus Christ as something more than just a concept, and has accepted Him as both Lord and Saviour. I tell you today fathers, if your life is centered in Christ your family will follow the same pathway. If your life is centered in Christ, your children will become acquainted with the Saviour, your wife will move into a deeper relationship with the Beloved, and your home life will be a blessing and not a curse. You are designed by God to be the leader in your family, not a follower. You are to be the trendsetter that your family follows, not society. Again, look at 1 John 2.13. Immediately following:

"I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning."

We read:

"I write unto you, young men, because ye have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you, little children, because ye have known the Father."

Little children, your children, come to know (GINOSKO) the Father through Christ if you have first set the example. Young men, your children who have reached maturity, overcome Satan by accepting Christ as Saviour if you have set the example and led the way. You are designed by God to be leaders. Lead as God has called you to do!

If we want to see an example of how a father should not behave, we only need to look at the example that the first created father, Adam, gave us. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God Adam, rather than go to the Father and explain what happened, fell into what I like to call "The Blame Game". Or, to put it another way, "The buck stops over yonder".

Genesis 3:9-11 "And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? [10]  And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. [11] And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? [12]  And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat."

As fathers and humans we are going to make mistakes in leading our families. Adam made a mistake, and boy was it a doozie! When we make mistakes, and we will, God calls on us to act honestly before Him and our families and admit our mistakes. Adam made a terrible mistake. He willingly disobeyed God, took the forbidden fruit, and ate it contrary to God's command. It was his mistake, not God's, and not the woman's. Yet rather than admit to the sin he tried to shift the blame by saying,

"The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat .."

Who was responsible? Adam! Who did Adam blame? The woman and God. I often wonder if the consequences would have been different if Adam had said, "I messed up, Father, please forgive me", instead of "The woman you gave me caused me to do it. It's your fault, God. It's her fault God. But I'm clean, I was just an unwitting pawn."

I want you to remember this: when you fail to walk honestly in your relationships with your God and your family, your family watches you and follows suit. Your children pattern their lives after the example that you set. Your daughters, in most instances, will marry men that remind them of you, and your sons will pattern their family life after the pattern you first set. There is no shame in admitting error when you have erred: the shame is in pushing the blame off on someone else, trying to hide your own shortcomings.
 

Mistakes (by Alan Smith, Boone Church of Christ, Boone, NC) A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.  "I know," the owner said, "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."  The contractor said, "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

Colossians 3:21  "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

As fathers we are called to provoke our families, but not in the wrong way. We must provoke our children to Christ, to righteous living, to God centered lives. But we must never provoke them to anger or to confusion.

Libraries can be filled with the books that were written about child rearing in the past 50 years. When I went on the Internet to find out what the world teaches about child discipline, I found over 80,000 studies. Dr Benjamin Spock, the famous author, taught parents for years that children should not be disciplined, that we should give them a "time out", send them to another room, but never spank them. A generation of children grew up thinking that society would give them a "time out" if they misbehaved. Today many children raised outside of a Godly father's influence are spending a "time out" in prison, surprised that society would not tolerate their lawlessness in the same way that their parents did.

Fathers, your children are first introduced to proper behavior in society within your family unit. If you are a drunkard, your children will grow up to abuse alcohol. If you are a habitual liar, your children are learning to bend the truth from their source. If you abuse your children, they will grow up to abuse your grandchildren. Numerous studies have been done that show that children of child abusers become abusers themselves. But if you raise your children to respect God, to love Jesus, to walk upright in society, they will grow up and honor God in their lives.

One question that I'm often asked is, "Do I believe in disciplining a child"? The answer to that is, "Absolutely, if it's done in the right way". When you discipline your children, use God our Father as your ultimate example. When I make a mistake I never hear my Father tell me "You stupid thing, what you did was the most brainless thing I've ever seen". My Father never belittles me, never calls me names, never provokes me to anger. Instead He warns, explains why what I've done was not in my best interest, and spanks me if I don't repent. This is His standard, and this must be the standard that you and I uphold with our children. Our Father never sets one standard, then expects us to live up to another standard. He lives as He expects us to live. We must strive to do the same with our children.

The battle of the sexes is something that Satan introduced into the family to destroy it, thereby destroying us. God does not condone the battle of the sexes, He abhors it, for it is against everything that He designed in the Garden.

Ephesians 5:28-33 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. [29]  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: [30]  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. [31]  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32]  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33]  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

It's easy to see real men. A real man loves his wife, cherishes her, nourishes and feeds her in both body and soul. A fake man, an incomplete man downgrades his wife, browbeats his wife, takes his wife for granted. Look at this verse:

Ephesians 5:28-33 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."

The first and greatest gift that God gave man was physical and spiritual life in the Garden. The second gift was woman! Brothers, there are very few men who are complete in themselves who have not found their right woman. Yes, there are a few (like the Apostle Paul) who, because of an overwhelming relationship with God, did not need a mate, but for the rest of us (even Adam) woman is our completion, our mirror image, the gentler half that makes us whole.

Completion as a man begins with longing. In the Garden God made and brought animals to Adam to name. As Adam named the animals he looked and noticed that each animal had a mate, but he had none. So he began to long for a mate, for his completion. It was not until man longed for a mate that God rewarded him with one. This is the line that separates us from the animals, for an animal will take any opposite of the same species as it's mate, whereas man should only mate with the woman that God sends him.

Nothing sickens me more than to hear a man tear down the wife in public, or to hear the wife belittle her husband. When God took a part out of man to make woman, He didn't take a bone out of the hand so man could abuse the woman, nor out of the feet so we could walk on them. He didn't take a bone out of our head so woman could be our Master, but took a bone out of our middle, from a place near our hearts. Woman was designed to be held close, to be protected, to be loved within the joining we call "marriage". You are commanded to love your wife, to nurture her, to care for her just as if she were an extension of your own body. And I'll let you in on a secret: she is an extension of your own body.

Husbands, we are commanded to love our wives. Look at Ephesians 5.33:

Ephesians 5.33  "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

The word love is AGAPAO, a derivative of AGAPE, God's highest standard of Love. This word is in the Present Tense, Imperative Mood. In this particular Greek construction the verb carries two senses. First, it means to keep on loving your wives, demanding a habitual action, and action that starts now and never stops. Second, the Imperative Mood means this is a command from God, not an option. God's standard is that you keep on loving your own wife! Keep on doing the highest good for her, keep on being concerned about her welfare, keep on taking care of her.

AGAPAO carries a deeper meaning than EROS, sensual love, or STORGE, family love. When you love with this intensity you will always seek to do the highest good for the object of your Love. God demands that you be the Leader in Love in your household, that you cherish and nourish the wife you have been given.

And women, you are to reverence (PHOBEO, have reverential awe for) your Godly husbands. The Federal Government didn't put them in charge of the family, the State doesn't give them the right of rule over the household. The Triune God placed your husband in this position, and if you respect God you will honor your husbands.

In our introductory verse, 1 John 2, we read:

1 John 2.15 "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him."

The more focused you are on God, the more devout you are in walking with Him, the greater your capacity to AGAPE. The greater your AGAPE, the closer your family will be.

A few years ago an organization called the Promise Keepers started calling men to renewing their relationship to God, and by doing so strengthening their families. This was considered a novel idea at the time, though in reality this has been a Biblical principle from the very start. The closer you are to God, the closer you will be to your family, for your capacity to love will be greater.
 

Renew and strengthen your faith in God and your ability to love will soar. In 1982 a terrible earthquake, 8.2 on the Richter scale, nearly flattened Armenia. In around 4 minutes over 30,000 people died. The horror and anguish must have been unbelievable! In the midst of all the carnage a father rushed to his son's school, only to find it destroyed, a huge pile of rubble. He jumped up into the midst of the pile and began digging. The police tried to pull him away from the school, telling him that there were fires everywhere, the child was surely dead. But that father fought and returned to the rubble and kept digging. Twelve hours passed, still he dug. Eighteen, twenty four, finally in the thirty-eighth hour the father broke through, reached out, and found his son. All the boy said, when his dad reached him, was "I told my friends you would come. I told them you'd get us out".

If you haven't already done so, this Father's Day give your life to Christ. If you hide your life in Christ, accepting Him as your Saviour, you'll learn what it means to be a real man. Real men aren't fighters and drinkers, they are believers who have committed their very hearts to God. If you give yourself to God, today, God will show you how to protect and guide your family in this present evil age.
 

Return to the Main Menu/ Bible Studies!